Phases of Coping with Change
This blog is offered as an encouragement toward the mindfulness of change as a process.
- Disbelief and Disorientation
There are many unexpected events that we calibrate into our lives with little interruption to our ability to create stability. However, there are other unforeseen and startling events that catch us off guard. The impact of this can cause us to lag in our response to address the situation with the same ease and proficiency we are usually capable of. As we struggle to accept what, when, why, and how to process what is before us. Clarity can be held captive throughout phases of disorientation, disbelief and denial. So what can we do???? We can have the D.A.M.N Conversation
- Acknowledge Anger and other emotional Responses
Unforeseen circumstances and change can trigger Anger, frustration, Anxiety, Sadness, and other emotions associated with how we are perceiving the challenge of before us. As life managers, we are constantly making decisions in real time about what is best for our lives and the lives we are responsible to. For the most part, successfully predicting and ensuring outcomes to secure, sustain and mitigate threats to our lifestyle. When unexpected change threatens our proficiency to stabilize our lives it can trigger a threat-based mindset (fight, flight, flee) and strong emotional reactions relative to responding to the level of threat to our ability to manage the change into our lives. We also, may experience the agitation of something outside our control having an influence over how we feel and the struggle to work through these feelings becomes half the battle.
- Making Peace with the New Norms
It is not uncommon for us to become fatigued by the grief and aggravation to make necessary changes to resolve new issues into our lives. As with any grief, the cycles (shock/denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining and Acceptance) that we experience may be as unanticipated as the unexpected change/event itself. We are not all the same and often do not respond in the same way to each new change at different points of our lives. Letting go of any expectations that we should know how to handle or react proficiently at every turn of a change is unfair to ourselves and ultimately counterproductive. In this phase, support from trusted accountability partners and the use of factual resources can bring forth clarity and empower us to make the necessary adjustments to move into healthy acceptance of what is presented before us.
- Necessary Acceptance to take Action
Acceptance is a powerful thing for us as a catalyst for healthy management over life situations. Acceptance expresses itself as a balance between appreciating the seriousness of something and the belief in knowing there is a way to productively address the change, even if it causes us great discomfort. While we may bare the burden of how changes impact on our lives and the responsibility to govern its presence; the benefits are twofold. The attributes and character building traits we can develop in this process become invaluable skill development that aid us into new and improved versions of ourselves. Even versions of ourselves we could not imagine or did not know was necessary. So, the next time unexpected change comes your way, and it will……. consider the D.A.M.N Conversation – Phases of Coping with Change to help you mindfully lean into your becoming.
The Art of Becoming- Practice of Marriage & Family Therapy 